Friday, January 22, 2010

Letters of Intent

Letters of Intent

Dear Bubs,

While I have been gone, you have begun to behave like criminals.

1. You take things that don't belong to you. For example, I can rarely open a soda, bag of chips, or package of crackers and leave them lying around unprotected without feeling as though I am about to be violated. As for any type of candy, you have become so brazen that you don't even wait for me to lay it down. You just walk right up and take it, as if you were some type of mob boss or something.

2. You are vandalizing everything. You've written on the envelopes of bills that were stamped and ready to mail, the carpet, and my furniture. You broke my refrigerator door, many of my tools are ruined and have now become your toys, and if you don't stop leaning back in the chairs at the dining room table, they won't make it 3 more months.

3 Blackmail. I feel like a hostage negotiator. I am constantly making deals in an effort to keep my sanity. I feel if I don't comply with your demands, the last nerve your mother has is going to become a casualty and I can't take care of anyone else.

Therefore, I have decided that if you are going to behave as criminals, you shall be treated like them. I am taking all of your things, all of them. You will have one set of clothes for the day and one set of pj's for the evening. Meals will be @ 04:30, 10:30 and 16:30, you eat what I make or you don't eat. Lights out at 18:30. You will be restricted to your room, with the exception of study time, 1 hour of exercise, and meal periods.

There will be a hearing next week with the parental advisory board to discuss your progress. Improvement will result in additional privileges, further regression will result in solitary confinement, also known as the HOLE.


Mr. Daddy said...

Great letter.

And Rach wonders why I say NO to another one....LOL

Just Stacy said...

Stopping by from Foursons blog ... It is my belief that the kids in a household should not outnumber the parents. They are like gangs. 1 kid, 1 parent here ... when she wants a battle, I'll meet her match! I don't always win the battles, but I swear to god I will the war!!

haha Happy Friday!

Brutally Honest said...

Whew. This makes me thankful that one of my crew is a girl...maybe she'll help teach her brothers how to be gentle on stuff and make them their own food so they won't steal mine! :)

He & Me + 3 said...

LOL I have one being treated like a criminal right now...slowly earning back everything that she holds dear. Sas will get her no where & I think she is finally seeing the light.
The Hole sounds pretty impressive. LOL

Brandi said...

They're not that bad. At least they don't destroy my makeup, take my nail polish, or want to borrow my clothes. Boys are great, no?

{Kimber} said...

let me know how THAT works out for ya!!
{I love Brandi's comment--hehe}
I personally think ya'll should have a reality show on TV!!
{BTW...your blog design disgusts me..just sayin'}

Kari @ p.s. said...

Good thing their mom has some sort of legal background. Those boys better straighten up. Can't believe Baby Bub is acting like this - at 11 months! Geeze!

Kmama said...

ha...ha...ha. Umm, it probably would be funny if I didn't have the feeling that I will be writing a similar letter in the next couple of years.

brian said...

Vandals--same thing I call my two kids :)

When I come home from work, it's like the place has been ransacked.

Rachel said...

Okay - do you know Kimber in real life - cuz I am dying at her comment!

And Mr. Daddy is gonna have some quality time in the same location as your boys if he doesn't knock off with the comments...

Seriously??? We can handle ONE MORE. Our little guy is nearly angelic! And just the right age as a fishing buddy. Tell him to quit whining :)

And Brandi... just for that - you just KNOW you're gonna have a girl next, right???

Foursons said...

First off- just so you know, if you end up with more followers than your lovely wife I have to stop following you. We girls have to stick together.

OK, now that that's out of the way...

Can you come to my house when you are done with your attitude adjustments at yours? I have some boys that need a few hearty shakes but the follow-through thing is what gets me every time.

Thanks for linking up, you are quickly becoming part of the bloggy world that your wife is so immersed in!

Anonymous said...

Stopping by after seeing your link on the Letter's of Intent post on Fourson's blog...

I love this letter! And I'm half-tempted to bookmark it for future reference. My little tornado is going to be two next month, and we're full-speed ahead into the "Terrible Twos" already!

Tina said...

The Hole, really? I am coming to get the boys and bring them home with me.

{JK, you know I wouldn't even make it to the end of the street! :)}

purejoy said...

dbubs, thanks for the visit. always fun to hear from someone new!
my daughter is a freshman at UA and is loving it. roll tide doesn't exactly roll from the lips of knoxvillians, but we make an exception (especially when she's in earshot)
loved your rules for your bubs. i daresay, it won't be long until you're wandering the halls of your house wondering where all the time went and your kids have moved on.
it's a glorious time, certainly, for them to be underfoot.
i wish i had put up stronger boundaries when they were home. b/c now when they come home it's like a hurricane hits our house. haha. but it's great to have them back.
good luck with everything.